Through that process, I have found myself in a somewhat vulnerable state. Today especially, I'm feeling untethered, which I take to mean that I am in a personal/career/ spiritual growth phase that I cannot mentally comprehend yet.
For this collection, I challenged myself to limit my colour palette, and to use simple brushstrokes in an illustrative style rather than in a representational or realistic style. In the beginning this was quite fun, but near the end I grew frustrated and ready to scrap the whole thing many, many times.
I come to learn, however that this emotionally turbulent process is fairly standard for me as a painter. Painting feels sacred to me in the same way bearing the soul feels and I am realizing that, for me, painting is parallel to living a life in its many turbulent and fascinating stages.
To start, there is the wonderful, heady magic of the beginning, where everything is fresh and new and wonderous and sometimes frightening, but always, always, always exciting, Ideas and curioslty blossoms here. It is an exploration of new territory. Beginners mind. Child’s mind.
Then, we go through the awkward stage where EVERYTHING SUCKS SO MUCH and I pretty much hate the whole thing and I want to cut it up and throw it away. Without a doubt: Adolescent mind.
Then, as I keep going despite my brain telling me not to, I grow into a fresh sense of empowerment and renewal. Freedom!! The deliciousness of blind confidence. This is where I become thrilled by exploration. Hungry to know more about the journey. Well, just hungry in general because I'm not eating much, just having too much fun and exploring every possibility. I think of this as young adulthood--perhaps college mind.
Over time, the pieces become so beautiful to me it's as though I have birthed them and soon I am attached to them in the way a parent attaches to their new fresh infant. New parent mind.
Then, in anticipation of releasing them into the world I become frantic trying to fix every tiny creative flaw that I perceive. My mind informs me of all the things which could go wrong if I let them go. Yet, despite my concern, the moment arrives when I realize these creations are not mine to keep. They are a piece of me, they came though me, yet they are not me. They are entities in their own right and are meant for something else. I gave them life, but they have their own life, which is not for me to decide. A very vulnerable place, as I never feel I have done enough to get them prepared. Definitely the parent's journey, this part.
In the end, as I watch them leave the safety of my sheltered harbour, I sink into the gratitude that I have the beautiful gift to be able to create at all. I'm proud of what I have done and how I have learned. I'm grateful for the lessons and grateful to move on to the next phase of this creative journey. A journey that is hard and brutal and soft and amazing and wonderful and SO FULL OF MAGIC.
If you are local or, if you are in town anytime from April 8-May 28, please come see the show! It is a group show featuring all women creatives from the island and I know it is going to be absolutely gorgeous! I would love to see your beautiful faces on opening day April 8, but do consider popping by anytime from then until May 28 and take in the soul of local art. You won't be sorry that you did! And, as always, thank you for being here. YOU make this all worthwhile and I think you're awesome! <3