WHAT I'M CLEAR ON:
sharp pencils are the only pencils
black roller uniballs are the only pens
Photoshop and Illustrator are cool and I taught myself both programs with a little help from the internet
I must live a creative life, I must keep cultivating my truest self, I must always be a dreamer
I was put here to serve people at the place where SPIRIT meets the practical and the human
I can paint, draw, design, write, photograph, love and live very well
I can always do better
I'm not always convinced that this journey isn't a little loco
I will be crazy if I do work that does not serve my soul and/or the good of the world
I have to be willing to work hard, fight hard and not back down
WHAT I'M NOT CLEAR ON:
How to explore self-employment inside the walls of the place I call home and be successful
Huh. Would you look at that. Seems like I have a lot more clarity in my life than non-clarity.
BUT. The item I am unclear about seems to leave me in a state of paralysis. I get overwhelmed with too many thoughts, ideas and to-do lists competing with the piles of laundry and breakfast dishes calling my name that I end up in a frump scrolling + scrolling instead of crossing items off the list.
Curiously enough, as I wrestled with this conundrum, the universe (as it does) brought me some direction. This weekend, I started looking for new podcasts to listen to and came across Happier with Gretchen Rubin. I flipped through and randomly picked episode 81 which had a segment about--you guessed it--CLARITY. Gretchen talks about the strategy of clarity, the clarity of values and the clarity of action. She says that if we are very clear with ourselves about what we want to accomplish, we can easily get clear on what actions to take in order to get what we want. It sounds obvious, but the trouble often is that we often end up with seemingly opposing thoughts that arise around what it is that we want. For me, the opposition lies in wanting to be productively self-employed in my home VS. feeling guilty about not doing my domestic duties while I'm trying to work on my business.
I did some thinking about this issue and concluded that for now the best thing to do is to act as though I am going to my job. Get up and get ready just as I would for my former job (except for the uniform part) and then set up a schedule for the days. Make sure my family understands my boundaries and schedule requirements. FAKE IT TILL I MAKE IT.
I think part of the issue for me is that this is still so new and my brain synapses are still wired for the type of work-life I had for twenty-PLUS years: show up to work, complete scheduled tasks, be accountable to a team. Repeat daily.
To make this work at home, I have to start repeating the same tasks every week in order to rewire the grey matter inside my skull and form new habits around this dream life.
I know that I want to write, make art, sell art and inspire people to express their true hearts in the world. I want to share my work and my story in the hopes that it's documented for someone else who may find inspiration in the journey. I know what I want, so I need to make these goals the focus and keep at it until a new heart-pumping groove starts to form.
And those breakfast dishes can suck it till dinner time.
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